As an artist: I am responsible to create.

greenshrooms

Photo: Green Tree Shrooms… a doodle that I drew on Sunday (2/17/13). Sprayed watercolors, ink, and colored pencils.

Sometimes it’s hard to be an artist. Nights like these just make it more noticeable… when the creativity doesn’t quench the thirst of loneliness. It’s cold outside, and there is a certain lack of night life in this small town– narrowing my options for activities. I guess it’s the price to be paid for being creative, ADD, and insecure. Here’s a poem… of sorts.

Stand up. Stand alone.

The world and it’s people will never see

What their messages do to me.

I’ll hold my own, entertain myself.

It’s about expression, not show and tell.

Stand up. Stand alone.

Either way, I’m on my own.

I may as well take it all in,

Be inspired, let the self-doubt begin.

Passion for passion, heart for heart.

Vision for vision, art for art.

Tortured or lost, or maybe just shy…

Can’t quite describe it, this feeling inside.

Unsure but passionate,

Insecure mind.

Pushing forward, holding back,

Making time but losing track…

Keep feelings in a bottle and words in a bag,

Keep sharing, keep showing, give it my all–

Express instead with creation alone–

Misunderstood by society’s drones.

Stand up. Stand alone.

If you’re an artist, you’re on your own.

Spill out your heart, express what you’ve found–

Throw yourself to the ether, leave the ground.

I feel like I am constantly throwing my ideas at people until they are overwhelmed. As an aspiring artist, I feel like I have a responsibility– when I find something beautiful, unique, breath-taking, deep or sorrowful that inspires me to create, I must share what I find. Art is my way of communication. I am awkward with words. I can more easily express an idea by creating an image that captures my thoughts and emotions than I can string a sentence together. It’s just what I do.

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New design idea: colored slip with black and white

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So I have a million ideas trying to explode from my mind and I feel compelled to share them. This is my latest design idea 🙂

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Spring!

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People and streets and birds and sun,

Dreamin’ of springtime, I come undone.

Waiting, anxiously. The sun wakes my soul–

Sun rays draw me in, gravitational pull.

I need budding trees, my vitamin D!

I want my sunshine, I want spring–

Too many days wasted by cold weather,

Too many nights wasted, they could be better.

Oh, spring. Spring. SPRING!

 

I’ve decided that I truly depend on the sun for my sanity– the option of spending time outside and not freezing to death… I want to get a nice dark suntan this year, because I feel like I need to absorb all of the sun and it’s goodness in my skin after all of the doubts and dramas from last year and this winter. I need to be able to escape into the forest, the trees, and smell the world again. I’m over with the smell of diesel and air pollution. I want to smell grass and pine trees and the canyon breeze. In the fall, I will be surrounded by the sweet smell of eucalyptus trees and alien flowers and a new landscape– AUSTRALIA! I can’t wait. I will smell the ocean again. I’m going there on an art exchange study abroad thing 🙂

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Penta-Mugs!

Carved Porcelain Pentagon Cups

 

This is my newest mug form… wheel-thrown, rib-altered, with a wheel-turned foot and a pulled handle. This series is from last semester. I think I came up with the form and surface towards the end of last November. I was using white grolleg porcelain clay and a blue celadon glaze that I formulated myself– around the studio, they call it “Kira’s Blue Celadon” 🙂 Anyway, since then I’ve changed the surface treatment- I’m trying something new. I bought a couple of colored underglazes online a few weeks ago and I’ve been painting them on everything. I have a new technique that will combine matte and glazed surfaces in a pattern of lines that follows the ridges made by the rib on the surface. I will use a white satin-like glaze to contrast matte black and chartreuse underglazes. It’s gonna be tedious when it comes to glazing day, but hopefully worth it. This photo is appropriate because the mug sale is coming up, and these will be my mug forms at the sale 🙂

In other news, I’m still dealing with fall-out, but not as bad. I still have anxiety because the paperwork isn’t done yet and I still have the key to my old place. I’m kind of dreading going down to that office again because the people are so hard to deal with.

We have been having a ton of snowfall… I un-buried my car this morning to go to the post office. I almost slid through a stop sign. Luckily, it was a right turn and no one was coming. I got my errands done and survived in one piece 🙂 I am so ready for spring.

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Perception.

Different through different eyes.

The way we perceive… everything.

Timelessness divides, I see the way I’m supposed to go.

Things never go that way– neither do I.

Stretched away from what I know,

Separated from what I was, I now see

Life is harmony, I am melody.

If my journey is a canvas, paint is what I breathe.

Colors and lines, that’s all we are

I paint my own perception.

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Face to Face.

That moment when you realize–

Something’s different. Racing heart,

See something new in what’s old.

Living with ghosts, tempted to revert–

Dream– restless, face to face with the rush,

The fear of going back, the yearning.

See it. Feel it. Magic, somehow.

Memories transformed, steal your breath.

Refurbished feelings, faults forgot–

Senses burning, eyes closing

Dream as if it’s there, face to face.

One ghost, too many reasons…

I can feel it now. Burning.

Desire, deep within. Here–

Face to face.

trip to cali and misc 049

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To Breathe.

To touch. To taste. To electrify.

If not for this, what should I want?

            Gentle hands, soft warm eyes.

            The smell of skin, a connecting bind.

            Two as one, breathing, clinging.

            Soft voice touching my ear,

            Only the sound of breathing—what I hear.

            Sensation exploding, scaling boundaries

            I long for skin to sooth my madness.

            Reaching climax, anticipation grows.

            Getting what I want, until I open my eyes.

            What I have is nothing, but what I have is mine.Yellowstone 2012 002

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This Year is New.

Something’s different. Maybe the new year did change something for me…

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(The photo is just a few of my newest ideas in the green raw clay state)

Usually the new year comes, and I’m the skeptic who says that it’s nothing but a change of calendars… writing down a new date. For the last few years, I’ve just been annoyed with the idea of New Years Resolutions. Somehow, I feel like this year is giving me a chance to start over new and leave the darkness of last year behind. Will the feeling last?

I’m still tied up in the confusion that is my previous housing contract, which puts a little tension on my mind. Otherwise, life isn’t bad. I have new friends, a new class, and I am getting enough sleep. Sleep makes a huge difference. It’s crazy to think about the way I was living last semester compared to now. There will always be a roommate to drive me crazy, but as long as the roommate doesn’t have 6 legs and pincers, I’m at peace.

It’s Arts Week on campus, and my work is displayed in 3 different locations: behind a glass case window by a concert hall, in a small display case in the hallway of the art building, and I have two pieces in the gallery right now.

Scarlet Cup Sculpture

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5 Years.

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Sleeping through life,

Sleeping through sounds.

Five years ago,

My feet left the ground.

 

Surrounded by colors,

I can imagine the sun–

Stuck here in the cold,

My luck came undone.

 

It’s been five years–

Now I’m alone.

Five years of dreaming,

Since then, I’ve grown.

 

Dreams come from dust

and settle in time.

Time tests the truth,

and let it remind–

 

Five years of sleeping,

Now I’m awake.

I want to be dreaming,

Not alive by mistake.

 

Some call it love,

To others– it’s pain.

The harshest kind

Heart forever stained.

 

Five years changed me;

I’ve had a lot of firsts,

Five years changed me–

I hope not for the worst.

 

I might’ve been  purer,

Kinder then.

Better than I am now,

A better friend.

 

I feel emptier today,

Five years apart.

Those five years took my heart.

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Soon

Soon

 

Changing address, changing scenes,

Wake up in a new bed, change my jeans.

Make coffee with new stove top,

Try to make a living drop by drop.

A drop in the bucket is none in the hand,

Drop from the bucket is two for The Man.

 

Soon–, I will find my home–

Soon–, I won’t be alone and

Soon–, I will make my way and

Soon, I will have my day.

 

Too much dark and you can’t find–

Too much light will make you blind.

Too much reason and you won’t know,

Too much knowledge and you won’t go.

 

Wake me up from the way things seem,

Wake me up from this nomad dream.

Sing that song that we used to sing,

Play the tune on your guitar strings–

 

Soon– I will find my home,

Soon– I won’t be alone, and

Soon– I will make my way and

Soon– I will have my day.

 

Something’s different, where did you go?

Something’s gone, no one let me know.

Sweet September, what went wrong?

Please remember my one last song.

 

Soon– I will find my home,

Soon– I won’t be alone and

Soon– I will find my way and

Soon– I will make my day.

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