Photo: “Why Trees?” Porcelain, cone 10 reduction, Celadon glaze with under-glaze black. Kira Call, 2012.
“Get some sleep,” “Close your eyes,”
“Just relax, let free your mind.”
Finding distractions, daylight is sanity
Night wears on, early morning finds me–
Waiting for sleep to take control
Waiting for distraction to sooth my soul.
Keep in check the hours that pass–
Watch the clock, late for class.
I watch other people go on in monotony,
Moment to moment, things they’ll never see.
They live in bliss, ordinary trials
I watch in envy as couples smile.
It’s all I can do to appear intact,
Grateful for days when I can smile back.
“It’s almost over, you’re almost free”
Something tells me that’s how it should be–
Free to smile, free to feel,
Free to decide, free to reveal.
Changing camouflage, changing pace.
Watch feelings conceal as I change my face.
Paint on a smile, say “Hello,”
“How are you?” “Fine,” I say as I go.
I wish it were true, soon it will be.
If I keep pretending, then just– maybe.
“Why trees?” That’s a good question. Lately, I’ve been asked that about my work in the studio. Trees are a constant. They have been for me ever since I can remember. I find comfort in trees– fruit trees, like the apple trees in my grandma’s back yard, birch trees, because of their familiar paper bark and stark contrast between black and white, dead trees, because of an old gnarled log my dad used to keep in the flower bed… and I basically grew up in the forest at the base of the canyon, just a couple of blocks away from my dad’s house. Trees give me comfort– they hid me in the forest when I needed somewhere to go to just get away from people when I was little. It was an escape for me. I took comfort in walking on the trail with dense trees and bushes on either side of me. I learned how to identify them at an early age, and started to learn their medicinal uses. I would pick the berries from the saskatoon bushes, pluck leaves from other trees to see if they had a distinct smell, and I even cured someone else’s headache with a willow branch once. I started drawing trees after I graduated high school. I was mostly drawn to trees that grew low and had dramatic branching patterns, like desert or savannah trees. My favorite tree image was a stark black acacia tree silhouette without its leaves. I can’t explain why I started choosing to use them on my pots. I guess it was just the first defined image that came into my mind. I still don’t know if I can really answer the question with words. It doesn’t seem like enough.
The poem is a continuation of how I still feel. I just want things to go back to normal so badly… I want things to go back to how they were before I became so picky. The university art world has changed me, and not all change is good. I have decided to try and be less picky. I also want to try to keep my other lost talents in practice, like drawing and playing guitar and piano. I just want my life to feel balanced and positive again.